Happiness lies somewhere else

Today I have enough reasons to be happy because where without any definite reasons people try to be happy, there I at least have one reason to be happy. I am going to join in Civil Service which was my aspired goal for long days. I become a cadre of the government, a group A officer of the country-in short I become someone accountable in life! This may be a reason to be happy.

But the thing is that I am waiting for a wish, for a words or anything from someone special without which I can never be happy in life. I never asked her anything to give which she can’t give…whatever she has said, she meant, she did-I accepted with gratitude. I am so happy that she had talked with me even after she had gone farthest from my life-whenever I called she talked, she replied my mails or message sometimes. Thus even there was nothing to be happy I was one of the happiest one. But today, when I have at least some reason to be happy, I am not because she didn’t wish me yet! I am eagerly waiting, kept watching fb, gmail, yahoo…to see any message from her. I even don’t know how she is or where exactly!

I never want to win her but her heart. I just beg a small place for myself in her heart and for that I am running behind nakedly for the last five years! No need to guess-I failed mercilessly in it. Whatever she told I did, but whatever I requested she refused! But still I can’t understand, I can’t be tired, I can’t give up-I stumbled, stumbled and stumbled. I thought we would have a formal friendship not necessarily for personal but professional kind of-but again no way. I just understood ‘If someone hates you without any reason no matter however gentle, cordial and friendly you may be with her-she will always hate you!’ I never wanted to be a villain, loser-but exactly what I become now! The only thing remain now is probably a brutal slap from her boyfriend who himself is a bloody hell, loser, hypocrite-neither have any psychological strength nor ethical, nor even physical-the adamant rascal who will compel her always compromise in life!