A Sudden Cloudburst and Everything is gone!

I trusted you not that you will keep secret or you will not betray, I trusted you that you will not leave me ever. To marry or not marry was not the question. We were more intimate friends; a relation with our souls that was my belief. It’s not that our friendship was time tested, but it was trust that we were friend for ages. You were my first love, or for that matter at least first infatuation that turned into love in my side, and friendship in your side.

But today I had to request you to be my close friend and you told that you don’t know whether again you can be my close friend or not. That’s where you hurt me most. You hurt me not by saying that you don’t love me but saying that you are feeling guilty for those entire things that happened with you and me, that you should not have followed my words and now that you want to disclose everything to your boyfriend however fabricated way it may be. There you hurt me most. We are friends-how did you say that even if I write or share my feelings or emotions in my blog or in any pages you probably can nothing do about it to stop me! Who stopped you to slap me if you don’t like, don’t want or if I don’t listen your words! Then what kind of friends we are! Is not it pushing me away from you?

Where I thought it was pure, it was eternal. Where I thought there must have some plan of eternity that we met after a long days-probably we never thought of that we will meet and that too in such a close way. In fact those few days were the best days of my life I spent in talking with you. My Spring days. My favorite season was not Spring but because you came in Spring, it became Spring! 

If it was your plan to move away, we could have maintained a distance since the beginning. You are very important to me, without you I am just a dark matter inside me. I wanted to be with you with any relation but it should be closer. Then I dreamed to walk with you for life long. From that hope to go back and becoming an ordinary friend is not possible. Somewhere deep inside it will hurt me. 

You told one day that our story was like a novel and now you told that there was not a story ever in between us! 

Now I am feeling guilty that I have misled you because you are feeling guilty. I have polluted my own mind. Love, for me was worship. Now I am feeling that it is a very bad idea. With how many girls I will tell the same feeling, sometime same words, and same emotions! Why this happened dear? I need you dear, I want to be with you. I knelt down before you, I begged before you-but you noticed only your name and complained why I mentioned your name! I stumbled, I stucked and lost the way..